We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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