I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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