Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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