He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
