rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
