and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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