the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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