Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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