i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
