Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
