was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
