It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
