I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
