don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
