I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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