so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
