my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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