last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize