i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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