i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
