he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
