I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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