ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
