I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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