dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
