What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
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My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
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What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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