i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
