you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
