She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
