Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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