He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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