So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
