i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
