She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
