Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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