Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
