if you like me you must not know who I am
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
