it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
