My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
