hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
