Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
