I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
