Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
