I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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