Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
This is not my ceiling
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
