matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
