I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
