Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
