you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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