she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I've blown a few things in my day
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
