Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
