i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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