but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
