I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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