Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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