I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
