i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
