thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Did we literally take a cab across the street
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
