I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
