It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
