Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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