So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
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I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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