i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
