that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
