Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
