I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
