omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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