He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
