i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
