your room smells of hookers.
And success
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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