tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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