its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
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also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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