Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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