btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
this will be a night to untag.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
