Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
