Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
