His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
