Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
