No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
