I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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