After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
