I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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