I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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